Nice Guy vs Kind Guy
A nice guy is someone who…
Agrees with everything
Laughs when it’s not funny
Says I guess a lot
Always asks for permission
Waits for others to make decisions
Has no life purpose
Bottles up anger
There’s a difference between being nice and being kind.
The nice guy will navigate around the truth because of the unpleasant feelings associated with it. The kind guy will tell the truth despite the unpleasant feelings associated with it.
In theory, being a nice guy seems like a good idea but in practice, their life does not get better.
Human nature works against them.
The core of a nice guy is the lack of a mission. Lacking a life mission leaves them like a bag flowing in the wind. They are not sure what the point of life is. So their brain assigns their life through the opinions of others.
That’s why they are extra careful about getting people’s approval.
- They agree with things that they disagree with.
- They laugh a lot hoping they will like them quicker.
- They ask them for permission because they think they are not worthy of being assertive.
All because they want to be liked.
Well, are they being liked?
People have a weird feeling of being around them because they seem fake. The truth is that you are most liked when you don’t care if you are liked.
Nice guys have a fake message using a positive delivery.
Kind guys have a genuine message using a positive delivery.
Having a Mission
People with a life purpose don’t waste time creating drama or entertaining it. Without a life purpose, you’ll waste your time and not even know it.
What happens when you have a life purpose?
It all begins with how the brain is structured… The brain thrives on challenges, problem-solving and maximizing creativity. But, the brain wants to give you meaning… Why do you exist?
Why are you on this planet?
When you don’t actively give your brain a purpose, it will assign one for you. And you don’t want to do that. Because it may give you a purpose that does not align with your best interests.
This results in 2 side effects:
- Stirring drama to give the brain an illusion that you stand for something.
- Entertaining drama because a purposeless life views opinions as a very BIG deal.
But the person with a life purpose is the exact opposite.
They have proactively given their brain a life purpose that serves their best interests. As a result, they become a winner that it’s not affected by opinions.
They are too busy craving their legacy.
What Do I Say Next?
No one likes the situation when the conversation is stuck. That’s when anxiety kicks in. So how do you handle those situations?
- Say whatever comes to your mind
- Say nothing & give a micro acknowledgment.
Let’s go through both.
The reason you overthink everything because you treat conversation as a logical act.
To be fair is common when you meet someone for the first time. But you need to practice thinking on feet skills. The best way is to do that is by saying whatever.
Ask the first question that comes to your mind. Make the first observation that you notice. Comment on something that happened with your day.
By doing this you exercise your social reaction time.
What if I say something that makes them mad?
Then allow them to exit from your life. There are many people on this planet. If someone gets offended by a comment that you made, then fuck them and move one, simple. At least you exercised your social muscle and worked on creating a fluid conversation.
The second way is when you don’t contribute and let them keep contributing. This happens when someone is done speaking and you gently nod your head. This indicates, “Go on, continue. I am still listening.”
Or you say “mhmm” gently. You will be baffled by how many people continue when they get a micro acknowledgment from you. Normally when you think they were done with their point, they weren’t. They just needed some encouragement from you to keep going.
Humans are visual creatures. Dress however you want. Just understand you will be judged for it.
Wear good-quality clothes that fit you perfectly. Wear good shoes. Buy a good cologne.
Talk to Strangers
The secret to building strong social skills is having conversations with strangers.
When you talk to strangers, you force yourself to go through initial awkwardness, think on your feet, build rapport with someone you just met, and much more.
What if I only talk to my friends?
That’s great and needed. But must also willingly make yourself uncomfortable so you can become more
When you are starting off, expect to feel awkward. The idea of not talking to strangers is ingrained in us as kids.
Therefore, you are going to feel a lot of nerves before you spark a convo with a person.
It is normal.
You are going to meet a lot of cool people, weird people, disengaged people. Being able to analyze which people fall into which group is an excellent way to build social acumen.
Each conversation will be different and it will force you to adjust.
Body Language 101
Walk into interactions thinking everyone loves you.
Your body language will automatically send off positive energy.
It’s much better than thinking everyone hates you. Understand that your body communicates a lot of energy. Much more than your words.
Social bonds formation 101:
- Enter their world by introducing yourself.
- Get to know each other.
- Exchange info for follow-ups.
- Follow up
To solidify a bond, you need to go from 1 to 4. Just stopping at 1-3 is a waste of time. It’s like blowing in a balloon and not tying the knot!
The Sins of Charisma
You need to stop doing these things:
Whining: People love to make fun of a whiner. They pity you.
However, you mistake their pity for compassion. Stop whining.
Rambling: The only person that loves to hear you ramble is your ego.
Everyone is repulsed by your lack of consideration. Reduce words. Increase message. Simple.
Conversation Hijacking: “Hey Tim, I got fired” Oh really? I remember when I got fired once *begins a rant*.
When someone trusts you to confide in their pain, be compassionate and listen.
Buzzkill: You are a bundle of bad vibes. You consistently ruin jokes. Hell, most of your interaction is hoping someone messes up a point so you can jump in and insult them. You have convinced yourself that you are funny.
It’s all about you, isn’t it? You are about as egotistical as they come. You only talk about yourself.
Drama Queen: You are genuinely curious why you are always involved in drama. It HAS to be someone else’s fault.
Drunk: Everyone has drunk episodes, but you are different… You get drunk all the time.